Conflicted
by BEN-Beyond the Elusive Nomads
Summary: When Buffy discovers an old pocket watch, she discovers how easy it can be to chose between duty and love. Spuffy, 10Rose.


**Conflicted**

Buffy sighed as she shifted through the pile of old, ratty boxes. She had promised her mom to look through some of the old things in the basement while she was in the hospital. So she was left, looking after her bratty little sister and her annoying boyfriend that was slowly loosing his place in her heart.

She sighed again, and began going through another box filled with old antiques that had, apparently, been passed down through the generations. They all had some sort of tarnish on them, and they looked like they hadn't seen the light of day in years. She groaned, and began the mundane task of unpacking the box, writing down what she found, then putting everything back in the box and labeling it.

She was thankful she had something to do though – something to take her mind off of her failing relationship, her sister-that-isn't, the sudden raise in crazy people, the evil woman trying to kill her sister, and her mothers failing health.

Riley…things were complicated when it came to there relationship. She couldn't open up to him like he wanted her too – she didn't feel that deep connection with him like she thought she should. At this point she was beginning to think she didn't even love him.

That was a scary thought.

She paused as a golden glint caught her eye, and she slowly pulled on a thin chain, tugging it out of the box until a gold pocket watch was dangled in front of her eyes. Her heart stopped for a moment as it turned slowly, revealing strange etchings that – for some reason – struck a cord deep within her.

She felt as if the watch was calling to her – demanding she open it.

"_Slayer…"_

And with that word echoing in her mind, she pressed down on the latch and let the watch snap open.

.

"So, where do you wanna go today?" the Doctor asked jovially as he stepped into the consol room with Rose Tyler walking by his side, a wide smile on her face.

"I dunno – there's so many options," she replied, taking quick steps up to the consol so she could run her fingers along the TARDIS fondly, "How about…the past?"

"I can do that," the Doctor said with a nod, "I'm guessing someplace before 2007?"

Rose nodded, "Yup. But not too far in the past. How 'bout after the nineteenth century?"

"So we've got about one hundred years to choose from," the Doctor said, "How about the Roaring Twenties? Flappers and Speakeasies?" Rose smiled, her adoration clear on her face. He returned the gesture, and for a moment the simply basked in each others presence.

Then the silent union was shattered as a scarred, timid voice broke through his thoughts – a soft feminine voice that he had never heard before.

'_Oh, God. I'm not human. Its all a lie. Oh, Rassilon. I'm an alien. I'm…a time lord?'_

"Doctor?" Rose asked anxiously, seeing his wide eyes and gaping mouth, "What's wrong?" the Doctor was silent for a moment, before turning and looking at his companion with a strange expression on his face – something Rose could only classify as relief.

"I'm not alone," he murmured, and she was surprised to find that she understood what he was saying, "There's someone else."

"You mean…another Time Lord?" Rose asked hesitantly. The Doctor nodded, and suddenly burst into motion, sending soothing thoughts to the most likely terrified young woman while simultaneously giving an explanation to his concerned and confused companion.

"Time Lords have this trick, a way to hide. It turns them into a human until they reopen this watch – an old fob watch," the Doctor explained, before pulling the final lever and sending the TARDIS into the vortex with a shudder, forcing Rose to grab onto the captains chair, "Its cloaked so they don't realize what they are – they could go for years before opening the watch and then regaining all their memories."

"So there's someone else?" Rose asked over the whirring of the TARDIS, "Another Time Lord? You aren't alone any more?"

The Doctor looked at her, and beamed the smile that made her heart melt in her chest, "I'm not alone. But she's scarred – she's so young, not even half a century old, and she's been a human for twenty years."

The Doctor didn't notice the way Rose's mouth turned downwards in a subtle frown, and her eyes saddened – he didn't even hear her broken whisper, "A…girl?"

Rose knew why she was so upset over this, while she knew she should have been happy for her lonely companion – a female Time Lord meant that he would have someone of his own race…it meant that he wouldn't need her any more.

Rose stubbornly pushed the thoughts aside and focused on being happy for her Doctor, smiling and hugging him softly as the TARDIS lurched to a stop. He stared down at her in surprise, but accepted the hug eagerly.

"I'm happy for you," she said with a sad smile, "You're…you've got someone."

The Doctor pulled away and smiled down at her, "I already had someone, Rose."

They pulled away and he pulled on his coat as he headed towards the door, while Rose's heart swelled until she thought it would burst from her chest.

"C'mon, we need to find her." The Doctor called.

"So, where are we?" Rose asked as she trailed quickly after him, carefully shutting the TARDIS behind her.

"Sunnydale, California, November of 2000,"

.

Spike perked up when he heard a soft knock on his crypts door. He breathed deep and easily recognized the Slayers luscious scent, only to frown as he heard the suspicious sound of two heart beats thundering away in a strange drum beat, 'ba ba ba bum'.

He stood up quickly from his couch and headed towards the door, swinging it open and looking down curiously at the distraught looking Slayer.

Wait…distraught?

"What's wrong, Slayer?" he asked curiously, unable to keep the worry out of his voice. She looked up at him and her green eyes made his inner William cry out helplessly – she looked so terrified, so confused, and it broke his heart. Even his demon reacted poorly, not liking seeing the person he saw as a potential mate looking like less than she was.

"I…I don't know who else to go to," she whimpered softly, "I-I can't go to Giles, a-and Willow is out with Tara. Xander…Xander might try to kill me. He's…Spike, please let me in. I'm scarred."

He was quick to respond, stepping aside and ushering her inside his humble abode. She stepped in quickly, almost eager to escape the cool autumn air.

"What's wrong, pet?" Spike asked, watching as she stopped in the middle of the crypt and turned to face him. She looked up at him through her full, dark lashes and he felt his heart twinge – she was so bloody beautiful.

"I-I'm…I'm not human," she managed to get out. She held herself closer and looked away from him, instead focusing on the muted television screen. She didn't dare look at his response.

"Whattaya mean by that?" Spike asked curiously.

"Exactly like it sounds –I'm not human," Buffy snapped, the edge barely distinguishable in her anguish, "I-I'm some sort of Alien…"

Spike looked at her for a long moment as he tried to decide whether she was playing him or not. She seemed to realize this and in a few quick strides she was in front of him, gently taking his hands and placing them on each side of her chest. At first he thought she was trying to come on to him – but them he felt the dual heartbeats under the skin of his palm and his world turned upside down.

"Explain, please?" he rasped out, looking at her with wide eyes before he managed to shake it off and nod towards the couch, "C'mon, pet, you look like you need a nice sit down."

He led her to the couch and turned off the television before sitting down, giving her the option of sitting beside him. She hesitated for a brief moment before she seemed to decide that he wasn't a threat, and she slowly sat beside him.

"I…I was going through some old boxes in the basement when I came across an old watch – one of those pocket watches," she explained, "and when I opened it this strange gold mist seeped out of it, and then I started remembering all these things, things I'd never known before. Spike, I know all the constellations! I know all the dates of history – I know every last date in history!"

Her eyes were wide and terrified as she continued, tears unwillingly falling down her face, "A-and I can hear this man in my head, he says that he's a Time Lord too – meaning that's what I am…and he said he's coming here to explain everything…but I'm so scarred, Spike. I don't know what's happening. I don't know why. And If Giles and Xander knew, they would call me a demon and try and stake me, and Willow would just try to magic me better…you're the only one I could go to. You do believe me, don't you?"

She looked so desperate and heartbroken that he took her into a warm embrace – surprisingly warm considering his undead status – and attempted to sooth her, "Shh. Pet, it's alright. I believe you."

She clutched to him like a life line, but her mind was far gone – wrapped inside a series of images that chilled her to the bone.

'_Cause Buffy, the other not so pleasant Buffy…anything happened to Dawn, it'd destroy her. I couldn't live, her bein' in so much pain. Let Glory kill me first. Nearly bloody did.'_

'_It's always blood…blood is life, lackbrain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead.'_

'_I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man. And that's…'_

'_Uh, I do remember what I said. The promise... to protect her. If I'da done that... even if I didn't make it... you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but, after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again... I do something different. Faster or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways... Every night I save you.'_

'_I'm a rebel. You're an idiot.'_

'_I know I should go, but I follow you like a man possessed, theirs a traitor here within my breast, and it hurts me more than you've ever guessed. If my heart could beat it would break my chest. But I can see you're unimpressed, so let me be."_

'_I'm going to make you feel it!'_

'_Angel, he should've warned me. Makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here. In me. All the time. The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve. And I got it. They put the spark in me, and now all it does is burn.'_

'_Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he mustn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev- To be a kind of man. And she shall look on him with forgiveness... and everybody will forgive and love. And he will be loved. So everything's okay, right? C-can we rest now? Buffy? Can we rest?__'_

'_When I say I love you, it's not because I want you, or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love who you are, what you do, how you try…I've seen your kindness, and your strength, the best and worst of you and I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy.'_

'_No you don't, but thanks for sayin' it. Now go. I wanna see how it ends.'_

"Buffy? Luv?"

She slowly pulled away from him, and her eyes were wide with awe as she looked up at him. He looked down at her in confusion, "You all right, luv?" he asked, unable to keep the owrry from his voice. She just slowly reached up and touched his face, almost as if she expected him to disappear.

"I just…saw something," she murmured, "I…when I touched you, I got all these images…and they felt so real. I…What's happening to me, Spike?"

"I don't know, luv," he responded. She whimpered and leaned against him, tugging him close and trying to block out the man in her head who kept telling her things that she didn't want to believe – that she couldn't believe despite the overwhelming evidence against her.

"Can…can you hold me?" she asked, "Just hold me?"

Spike was completely shell shocked, and he could only nod dumbly. She quickly pulled herself against him and curled up in his arms, shivering as she attempted to almost sink into him. Part of her hoped she could stay there forever and never leave. Being with him made it easier – it made it not real.

.

"How is she taking it?" Rose asked as she followed the Doctor through the streets of Sunnydale. There was something about this town that put her on edge, it made her wonder why no one else seemed to notice it. They actually seemed to ignore it.

"Not very well," the Doctor reported, gnawing lightly on his bottom lip, "Her thoughts are a mess – oh, I think she just tapped into the future, that's pretty nifty – she's at a friends…crypt?"

"Her friends live in a crypt?" Rose asked curiously, "Isn't that…kinda unsanitary?"

"Very," the Doctor responded, making Rose giggle at his tone. "Part of her knows what's going on, that all this is true, but she's been Buffy Summers for so long that she doesn't know how to be anyone else."

"Excuse me, b-but – did you say B-Buffy?" a timid voice piped up. The Doctor turned suddenly and faced the inquirer and smiled kindly down at the full figured blonde, who looked as if she wished she hadn't spoken. Rose smiled politely at her, hoping to ease her obvious tension.

"Ah, yeah. We're looking for her. Do you know where she might be?" he asked. The girl eyed them both cautiously, before she seemed to deem them trust worthy.

"She's p-probably on pa…in R-Restfield cemetery." She answered, "I-I would t-take you there, but I-I'm on my w-way to see my g-girlfriend…"

"Ah, its fine, I'm sure we'll find our way around," the Doctor said, while Rose tilted her head at the mention of 'girlfriend', mildly shocked but not bothered by it. The Doctor grinned.

"Great, thanks!" he responded, "C'mon Rose."

.

Buffy knew he would be here soon – she could hear his thoughts, all one thousand of them, and some part of his mind was counting down the time until he and his companion (a pretty girl named Rose, if his thoughts were anything to go by) reached the cemetery and started shifting through crypts.

She knew she had to step in – she's the Slayer. It's her sacred duty.

Spike had listened to her mumbled explanations as he held her. He didn't call her crazy, and he accepted what she said without a second thought – and even if he did have second thoughts he seemed to dismiss them fairly quickly.

"So, lemme get this straight," Spike said, "You're a Time Lord from the planet…Gallifrey?"

"Yeah."

"An' you can't tell me you're whole name, but your nickname was Buffy, and when you chose you title after looking into…the vortex?"

"Yuh huh."

"An' you chose 'Slayer' when you got a glimpse of you're future."

"Right."

"An' then there was a time war and your mum an' dad – Joyce and Hank – took a…a TARDIS?"

"Time and Relative Dimensions in Space."

"An' used a thing called a chameleon arch to turn you both human, and then started up a life in LA?"

"Yup."

"An' you've lived almost all your life as a human. Well, a Slayer," he smirked slightly at the irony of that statement. Buffy couldn't hold back the small smile either, and somehow it made everything easier.

"That's pretty much it," she agreed. Spike absently ran his hand through her hair, silently appraising how soft it was, "I'm just…I was only five when we came here…and I can remember everything so well…it hurts, knowing that there's this whole part of me that I never knew about, and I can't…its just gone. Destroyed."

"I'm sorry, pet," he murmured, "If I could help you I would…but 'm just a lowly vamp." He smirked. Buffy blushed in shame and ducked her head.

"Spike, I'm so sorry for everything I said," she whispered, "With this whole…plethora of knowledge practically shoved in my suddenly humungous brain, I've suddenly learned…so, so much about all these different species…and I've been a bigoted idiot."

Spike laughed dryly, trying to ease her shame, "Lots of big words there, Slayer. Sure you know what they mean?"

Buffy shot him a half hearted glare, but she couldn't stop the grin from curling up at the corner of her lips, "I'm sorry. I realize that…even without a soul, you're still a better man than most of the humans I try so hard to protect."

There was a long silence where Spike just looked at her with wide, emotion filled eyes, and his heart felt like it could start beating and start tap dancing. "Luv…you don't know how much it means…coming from you…"

She looked up at him, and it felt like electricity shot through them, lighting their veins on fire. Buffy's breath caught for a moment she forgot to breathe – and when she did she could only appreciate his wonderfully earthy scent that was simply Spike. She let her eyes trace over the contours of his face, lingering on the sharp edges of his cheeks and the sharp electric blue of his eyes.

And then, part of her made a choice based on her sudden knowledge and new outlook on life – demons in particular. She suddenly knew, deep in her chest, that this man in front of her – this demon – was the only man she could ever love without the ever present fear of him leaving her. The only man that would love her the way she craved.

She leaned forward, and pressed her lips softly to his. She was gentle, and the kiss was so soft and tender it almost made Spike cry – for tenderness wasn't something he was used to. She gently cupped his face, and when he sank into her touch she slowly began to move her lips against his.

Spike was in heaven – her lips were so soft, so wonderful, and everything like he remembered. But this was better – now he was with a woman who was seeing him and accepting him.

"Look, there they – oh!"

The very British voice interrupted them and forced them apart, despite their very present desire to ignore the intruder and keep kissing each other breathless. Buffy turned, and faced the tall and lanky brunette and his smaller, full figured blonde companion. The man just smiled awkwardly, while the blonde just offered her an apologetic look – as if she were used to him bumbling into awkward situations.

"Sorry," she apologized with an apologetic smile, "Are you Buffy?"

Spike growled possessively, and gently placed his hands on Buffy's hips and holding her protectively, "Who wants to know?"

"Right, I'm the Doctor, and this is Rose," the man introduced, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Spike quirked an eyebrow, but otherwise made no move to comment on his name. The Doctor actually looked kind of upset he didn't.

"You're the man I heard in my head," Buffy said, frowning, "I'm not insane, I swear."

"Nope, not insane, just Gallifreyan," the Doctor said, the smile never leaving his face, "Telepathic link between any and all Gallifreyans – you can't understand how surprised I was when you're voice popped into my head. I had thought…well, at first I thought I had lost my mind, but I think this is a much nicer option."

This man was ridiculously peppy. Buffy and Spike weren't quite sure what to make of it. The Doctor didn't seem to notice their shock despite the fact that he could hear every wayward thought inside Buffy's head. Buffy seemed to realize this and she faltered.

"Can you turn that off?" Buffy asked, "I don't…My head has been only mine for almost all my life. I want it to stay that way."

"Ah, yeah, sure, but I can't turn it off completely," the Doctor agreed, "You just have to imagine a wall, that way thoughts you don't want me to hear I won't hear, but thoughts you don't mind me hearing I will hear."

Buffy seemed to understand his instructions well enough, and she closed her eyes for a moment and imagined a wall surrounding the majority of her thoughts, leaving only the more logical part of her brain open to him.

"What do you expect me to do?" Buffy asked nervously, "I mean, I don't want to leave – this is my life, and all my friends are here." She tried to push aside the fear of their possible rejection, "And my mom…"

"You don't have to do anythin' you don' want to," Rose stepped in before the Doctor could say anything, and she smiled pleasantly, "It's still your life. Right, Doctor?"

"Right, yes, of course, your life, free will, all that nonsense," the Doctor agreed, "Do you…well, I don't really know what to do. I never thought…well, this is just weird."

"You're telling me," Buffy murmured. She found comfort in the feel of Spike's hands on her hips – the fact that he hadn't let go only made her feel closer to him than she'd ever felt before.

"So, I think we should get with the explaining," she said suddenly, trying to avoid the awkward silence while simultaneously keeping the Doctor from hearing her more private thoughts, "I'm…I'm still really confused. Where is everyone else?"

That was when Buffy caught a wayward thought in the Doctors head, and she felt as if her hearts had skipped a beat. Then she couldn't stop the tears from building in her eyes, and she fell against Spike in a desperate search for comfort. She couldn't take her eyes off of the Doctor though.

"They're…they're all dead?"

.

Buffy stepped out of the Magic Box and into the cool night air. She was slightly nervous about leaving Spike in there with the people who definitely had less-than-warm-fuzzies for him, but she needed time by herself to think things through.

Things had gone better than she'd expected, but she didn't think her friends could ever look at her the same way after learning that their best friend and the protector of the Hellmouth was actually a two hearted alien from an endangered species. She was the last female of her race, if you didn't count her still oblivious mother.

She knew what her duty was. But she knew what her hearts were telling her.

"They seem to be taking this pretty well," the Doctor said as he stepped out into the air and stood beside her. He was nervous, if the tenor of his thoughts were anything to go by. "And Rose seems to be fitting in."

"I'm not doing it," Buffy said before he could go on a complete tangent, as she was beginning to realize he did a lot, "I have my own life."

The Doctor looked at her, "Buffy…"

"You act as if it's complicated. It really isn't." She said briskly, before shaking her head, "Doctor, I understand that we have a duty…and as the last of our race we should work on rebuilding it – this time keeping everything from falling to hell…but I wont' do that. I'm not in love with you. I…and I'm falling in love with Spike. And I know that you're in love with Rose."

The Doctor was silent as he turned from her and looked up at the sky, thrusting his hands deep into his pockets.

"The Looms." He said, "We can start up the looms."

"Took you long enough to realize that," she murmured, "You have a TARDIS, you can go around and get all the things you need to start it up. My mom, after she wakes up she can help them here on Earth until you can find a new planet."

"She might need this," the Doctor said, pulling out a piece of coral from his pocket, "Part of the TARDIS. Just shatterfry the plasmic shell and modify the dimensional stabilizer to a foldback harmonic of 36.3, you accelerate growth by the power of 59." He looked at her awed face and grinned, "Your minds been human for so long, it's as if you have a part Time Lord part human brain. I picked that snippet of information right out of your head."

"Thank you," she murmured, "That should take about five years, right?" The Doctor nodded, and Buffy could only laugh softly, "I never was the most educated person on the team. This is gonna take some getting used to. I'm amazed I haven't completely wigged out."

"I'm going to need some of your DNA," The Doctor said after a pause, "The new Time Lords will come out as adults. You know that, right? Or at least, most of them will. After we finish that we woulnd't need the Looms anymore."

"The curse is gone, isn't it?" Buffy asked, "Since Gallifrey was gone. The curse was on the planet, not us individually. As long as the loom isn't located on Gallifrey then the Time Lords that come of it should be able to…you know." She blushed and tossed her hair over her shoulder.

She never thought she'd be having a conversation like this. The Doctor seemed to sense her discomfort and quickly changed the subject, "You're friends aren't too fond of your friend - the, ah, vampire?"

"Spike? Yeah. I wasn't too fond of him either. But when I touched him…I got all these images, things that hadn't happened yet - things that I won't let happen. I saw so much, and it made me realize how bigoted and stupid I was."

"Well, its part of being human," the Doctor said, "but who was this Riley they keep talking about?" Buffy grimaced.

"My boyfriend. At least, he was my boyfriend. I can't…he isn't what I need – what I want. I was so caught up in trying to be normal that I sacrificed my happiness to please someone else…someone who had left me a long time ago." She shook her hear, "But I'm not normal – I never will be normal."

"Well course not, where's the fun in that?" the Doctor asked, grinning down at her. She returned the smile half heartedly before turning to face him completely. She held out her hand.

"Thanks. I never…I wouldn't have never coped with all this if you hadn't been here."

"Oh, it's no problem," the Doctor protested as he took her hand and gave it a firm shake, "Just doing my duty – saving the world, helping the hopeless…hey, that's kind of catchy!"

"Its already taken," she said with a grin, "Sorry."

And then the influx started – images assaulted her mind and she knew that the Doctor was seeing them too. She only let him see so many though – then she built up the wall and made it so she could watch them without any interruption.

'_And I haven't! Which makes me the better person, don't you think? They can shoot me dead but the moral high ground is mine!'_

'_Please, when you come to write my official biography, please don't say I traveled with her mother.'_

'_Isn't anyone going to ask me about the glasses?'_

'_Rose!'_

'_Here you are, living a life day after day. The one adventure I can never have.'_

'_Well, if this is my last chance to say it…Rose Tyler…'_

'_Hi, you! Long time no see.'_

'_Shhh! Instantaneous biological metacrisis…I grew…out of you. Still, could be worse.'_

'_Spanners, shhhh! Must've picked up a bit of your voice that's all - is it? Did I? No! Ohhh, you are kidding me, no way! One heart – I've got one heart. This body…has only got one heart!'_

'_The Doctor. In the TARDIS. With Rose Tyler.'_

'_I love you.'_

Buffy looked up at him with wide eyes, and his face was equally surprised. He had only gotten to the heart-breaking image of him, saying goodbye to Rose Tyler.

"No. I won't let it happen," the Doctor said, pulling away from her like she was poison, "I'll save her."

Buffy panicked, "Doctor, you can't change anything! Look, you only saw a glimpse, right? In the end – it's a little ways off, but in the end it works out! I promise – you can't…you can't change it. If you do…the timelines…do I really have to explain?"

The Doctor sighed softly, and for a moment he looked his age, "I…I understand."

"I know it doesn't seem right, but it will…you have to trust that good things come to those who wait." Buffy said softly. The doctor nodded, and opened his mouth to say something when the door opened and Rose stepped out with a peeved expression.

"I can't stay in there much longer," she said with a shake of her head, "It's getting a bit to hostile for my tastes. Especially that Xander kid."

Buffy looked through the glass and frowned angrily as she spotted Xander standing up and yelling at Spike angrily. She growled softly.

"I'd stay and chat, but it seems I have some things to work out here," Buffy said, before offering a smile to Rose, "I'll see you later, maybe? Feel free to drop by whenever you want."

Rose watched in surprise as Buffy turned away from the duo and entered the Magic Box to take up Spike's defense. The Doctor smiled down at his companion.

"So, where do you wanna go?" he asked, "Didn't you say you were running out of clean clothes?"

"Huh?" Rose asked, before shaking her head and smiling brightly up at the Doctor, "Oh, yeah, we'll need to make a trip to mum's soon. I've got maybe enough for three more days."

The Doctor held out his hand and wiggled his fingers as he smiled boyishly at her. Rose smiled brilliantly up at her Doctor and grasped his hand tightly in her own before they walked away from the building, and back towards their home.

**.**

**A/N: **First crossover I've ever posted. Hope you like it. :) Sorry if the ending's a bit rushed, I just didn't know how to write it without stretching it out.


End file.
